During this activity we walked from one side of the room to the other based on the answer to a series of questions about instances where we may have felt emotionally injured. Some of these questions were about if we had ever been hit or bullied or laughed at for various reasons, instances of death and divorce and so forth. We were to just notice our feelings during the process and then we separated into groups of 4 holding hands each sharing what we experienced.
When it was my turn, I expressed that as a child, I felt like I didn't matter, that I couldn't get help or that my interests were not worth investing in. Even during my my marriage, I did not feel like I was supported in my dreams or that my then husband even believed I could be successful. I expressed that I felt very alone like no one believed in me or had my back or supported me. Even in that moment, I felt like I needed to be strong and not show any signs of weakness or emotional vulnerability. I felt disconnected.
Unexpectedly, thes 3 strange women whom I had never met before squeezed my hands and embraced me in a warm embrace and continued to hold me. The strong woman in me, who tried so hard to prove she didn't need anyone crumbled and cried like a little baby. These women continued to hold me and comfort me telling me those experiences had nothing to do with me.
One of the dear sweet women, named Gabrielle then came up from behind me and hugged me from behind saying, "I've got your back, I believe in you." While there was music being played, she rocked me from side to side with her cheek upon mine. I held her arms tightly feeling like a newborn in her mother's arms.
I felt something powerfully shift inside of me, as if I had gone back in time and rewrote an old wound. There was something about the physical contact with another person, in that precious gift that was shared that was deeply healing for me.
Later that day, I was talking to a woman about how she felt the first time she became pregnant at the age of 18 and what was the number one thing she wanted to have at that time. She told me she wanted to know that she could do it, that someone believed in her. I realized this is a universal need especially when we embark on new uncharted journeys that are unknown to us.
As I was on the plane home the next morning, I pondered on this experience. I though to myself how I had been holding myself back from moving forward on my dreams because of self-doubt and wishing someone would come a long and say, "I believe in you, I have your back." It's almost as if I was wiaitng on permission or the security of having someone there to encourage me along.
It occurred to me that believing in yourself is an act of faith, not only in yourself but that God will provide when you take that initial leap of faith. It is a faith muscle that needs to be exercised and strengthened.
Looking back on my life when certain goals seemed overwhelmingly difficult, I noticed that often times when I took that leap of faith, there were those who had come into my life to support me. I noticed that the more I demonstrated confidence in myself (even if I was 'faking it') and what I was doing, the more people showed up to rally along with me. Likewise, those times when I felt unworthy of support and I just quietly plowed along by myself to prove I didn't need anyone, there were far fewer if any who showed up to support me.
If you feel alone, scared and doubting yourself, know that there are many others who have walked your path that believe in you. Know that you are worthy of this support as you exercise faith in moving into the unknown and uncomfortable. You are worth investinting in and you and this journey you are on matter. You are significant.. Your faith will grow with your willingness to take that leap and risk walking into the unknown. As you do so and with your willingness to receive that support you long for, it will appear. It's a matter of principle. It's how the universe is designed to work.